Around probably 5am -ish, the contractions were getting incredibly painful. I was definitely in transition and feeling that doubt and fear in full force. The contractions were ripping through me and I was SO exhausted. The midwife checked me and said I was a “stretchy” 8cm and she was pretty sure that if she broke my water, he would be born shortly after. I’d been adamant throughout the pregnancy that I did NOT want my water broken, so I refused, but after a few more contractions, we decided to trust her judgment and let her go ahead.
The Story of Jude Coming Earthside
December 31, 2016 — 5:47am
Quick preface: For those of you who aren’t familiar with Wren’s birth story, she joined us at 38 weeks and 5 days after a quick 6 hour labor. Without going into too much detail (you can read the whole story here and here), I will tell you that the delivery was a bit complicated and left me recovering physically and emotionally for quite a while. I experienced a partial uterine inversion (my uterus started to come out of my cervix after the baby) and hemorrhaged, losing about 1 liter of blood. We suspect that this happened because the OB who delivered Wren yanked on the umbilical cord to try to speed up the process of birthing the placenta. When we found out we were pregnant again, I immediately worried about how the next delivery would go and spent a lot of time over the following months trying to find peace and allowing myself to trust our new medical team.
So, now to Jude’s story!
As far as postpartum depression goes, all I have to lean on is empathy and my imagination to gain an understanding of what it must be like. I did not carry a baby for 10 months, I did not experience the wild fluctuations in hormones and emotion, and I honestly can’t say I’ve been depressed for even a moment since the birth of our baby girl. Continue reading “Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: When Your Mind Fails You”