March 2018. That was the last time either of us contributed anything to this site. March 2018 was also over a year after we had our second child, and he has yet to grace the banner graphic with his cherubic little face….which should be unsurprising, given that we blew right past his first birthday without much of a second thought. And on that note (and on second thought), we pretty much blew past his second birthday, too.
The last time I added anything to this site, my little girl was slurring the word “horsey” every time she climbed onto my back… now she is in preschool and says things like “Mom, what is the unknown?” and “Jude is ruining my life!” Also, she mentioned the other day that she is a “bagina designer,” and she makes replacement “baginas” out of paper and thread, and can glue them onto you. My little entrepreneur is a wellspring of hidden talents. Please keep her in mind should you lose (or otherwise render inoperable) your bagina. I’ll bet the farm that you cannot beat her prices for a designer bagina.
Since the last post: I got a new job working for a large healthcare organization; my wife got a new job doing quality assurance testing and programming for surveys and is on the cusp of getting an even better one (come on sugar mama, daddy wants to home school); my daughter started preschool and ballet; my son discovered how much fun it is to have a penis; he also discovered he loves to tell (show) everyone how much fun it is to have a penis; my best friend and beloved dog passed away; my wife’s sister adopted a dog and it found its way into our home (net change in quantity of dogs over 2-year period = 0); I also started, but have not finished, building a fence for said dog; my kitchen is also still not finished; I did finish laying down new floors…but then a few days before Christmas our septic system backed up, flooded our home, and now my new floors are gone; my wife and I finally got to see Cirque du Soleil (fu@$ing incredible)… and I’m sure some other noteworthy stuff happened that just slips my mind at present. I mean, surely there had to be more to come out of almost two years, right? It’s not always just the same old routine on repeat, right?
Good. So that brings us to January, 2020. The first-floor renovation fiasco, the never-ending mire of searching for time to work on it, arranging for the family to be away long enough to actually make progress without having to set up and then tear down, only to 50% of the time wind up contracting one (or more) of the many novelty new viruses and bacterial infections that are wont to multiply and mutate in the petri dish that is preschool… well, it drags on. Sure, some progress has been made, and I can still see the finished product in my mind… but my imagination is no consolation whatsoever to the wife and children who are left living in this unfinished mess of splinters, fumes, and for a while there almost two decades’ worth of accumulated human waste and un-flushed refuse (btdubs: the people from whom we bought this house showed us a “receipt” for when they had the septic serviced shortly before we closed on the home… clearly it was not a receipt. Looking back on it, it was an estimate on which someone had penciled in a $0 balance in order to make it look like a statement for services rendered. LESSON: don’t trust anyone. People are all twats). I may not say it often enough… in fact, I know I don’t say it enough, but I am forever grateful for the patience and compassion that my family gives me. Every bit of it is undeserved, and their unfathomable tolerance of my bullshit is what keeps this house from becoming as broken as it looks.
SO here is where we are at: I am not going to be the one who replaces these GD floors. We filed an insurance claim for the flooding and have a contractor doing it. Normally, I would take offense to anyone else doing the work on my house, but after the headache of trying to lay floors over multiple days the thought of having a whole crew come in and do it all at once seems like a dream. That leaves me with the time I need to un-fu@k the garage, which to-date has still not ever recovered from the day we moved in. On that day we packed it floor to ceiling, wall to wall, and then over time unpacked boxes and moved stuff from there inside, or from there to storage, or from inside back to the garage, little by little, never reaching the point at which it could become a functional space. If it were a commercial job site I would have been shut down by OSHA on day one… to use some of my power tools I often have to stand on top of piles of project pieces, or reach across still more piles of project pieces, and those piles are often a little bit unsteady. I look forward to the day I can work on stuff without silently negotiating with the powers that be on which digits I’d be willing to lose in a mishap.
TL/DR (or for those who prefer picture books): the past two years as told by our phones’ cameras…